I haven’t written in a month

I haven’t written anything in a month, not on here…. or my novel. I would usually scold myself for not writing, but with the anxiety ‘holding pattern’ I had been in coming finally to a landing, it has taken me a month to process everything.

I have been off work as a library technician since March because of the pandemic.

Up until recently, I have been in a holding pattern because I would be sent emails and calls, with no one replying; and this led to 4 months of silence from my work. Now, excusing the fact it is a pandemic — it doesn’t take 4 months to reply to an email.

It was around four weeks ago that my boss finally got in contact with me because ‘We had a meeting with all ES (Educational Support) staff and I am going to have to lay off half my staff…. though I don’t know yet I would advise you look for another job.’

Just like that — I had had the bumpy landing that I had been expecting. There are a few other things that were said that have made this hard, but thankfully nothing to do with my disability.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

But that brings up an interesting point, getting a new job with a disability. I am not saying that is impossible; it is just in my case it took me till I was 29 to get my first job. The jobs that are available for me are few and far between. When I got with a DSP (Disability Service Provider) for jobs I had to get a work capacity assessment. I can work a maximum of 6 hours, which is way below part-time. It is because of this that it is hard for me to apply for jobs as I can’t physically work as long as others.

This leads to the past month, that I haven’t written anything. My brain needed time to process and let go. Though, on another level, I am very much relieved. I had good times at my work — but over the years it had become more and more stressful and not as fulfilling.

Once I found out, I looked on the website my boss had suggested. However; as mentioned above the hours they require a week aren’t compatible with me.

So — where does this leave me?

I guess it is back to what I know…. words.