I haven’t written in a month

Tansy Bradshaw
2 min readNov 24, 2020

I haven’t written anything in a month, not on here…. or my novel. I would usually scold myself for not writing, but with the anxiety ‘holding pattern’ I had been in coming finally to a landing, it has taken me a month to process everything.

I have been off work as a library technician since March because of the pandemic.

Up until recently, I have been in a holding pattern because I would be sent emails and calls, with no one replying; and this led to 4 months of silence from my work. Now, excusing the fact it is a pandemic — it doesn’t take 4 months to reply to an email.

It was around four weeks ago that my boss finally got in contact with me because ‘We had a meeting with all ES (Educational Support) staff and I am going to have to lay off half my staff…. though I don’t know yet I would advise you look for another job.’

Just like that — I had had the bumpy landing that I had been expecting. There are a few other things that were said that have made this hard, but thankfully nothing to do with my disability.

A red sign with with writing that reads: for hire.
Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

But that brings up an interesting point, getting a new job with a disability. I am not saying that is impossible; it is just in my case it took me till I was 29 to get my first job. The jobs that are available for me are few and far between. When I got with a DSP (Disability Service Provider) for jobs I had to get a work capacity assessment. I can work a maximum of 6 hours, which is way below part-time. It is because of this that it is hard for me to apply for jobs as I can’t physically work as long as others.

This leads to the past month, that I haven’t written anything. My brain needed time to process and let go. Though, on another level, I am very much relieved. I had good times at my work — but over the years it had become more and more stressful and not as fulfilling.

Once I found out, I looked on the website my boss had suggested. However; as mentioned above the hours they require a week aren’t compatible with me.

So — where does this leave me?

I guess it is back to what I know…. words.

Tansy Bradshaw

Murderino. Cat Lady. I write about stuff that interests me. She/Her and They/Them